Coming to terms…

I am finally beginning to accept this pregnancy.  For awhile now, I have not wanted this baby and I know that sounds awful and unloving and selfish and very very bad, but it’s the truth.  I think it’s easier to be happy about being pregnant when you are actually trying to have another baby, not trying not to… or when you’re wealthy enough to afford having one and haven’t just paid every penny over in closing costs… or when you have insurance to pay for the big sterile evil drug pushing hospitals and a surgeon for your prenatal care (which sounds really stupid to me nowadays but more on that later maybe)… or if you’re one of those women unaffected by morning sickness (all-day sickness, really)…  Needless to say, this kid had a lot going against it from the very beginning.

God obviously thinks it is the right time, so here we are in the midst of packing/moving/cleaning/painting again and pregnant, yes, again.  I was pregnant when we moved in, and pregnant when we move out.  I bet moving and not being pregnant is much less stressful than moving has become to us lately.

I called the birthing center yesterday and am waiting for a midwife to call me back regarding when to make our first appointment.  They like to start the appointments at ten weeks, but no one will be able to truly figure out how far along I am until closer to the middle of this pregnancy since I won’t have any ultrasounds done until the mid-point. (Fundal heights in centimeters is about the same number of weeks until around 37 or so weeks along when the baby drops, but you have to be able to actually measure the uterus from the outside to get that measurement.  My uterus was flipped toward my spine after it contracted after Lowell was born, so it will take longer to “show” and be able to measure this time around.)  Calling someone and actually trying to set up an appointment felt really really good.  We’re also going to save around $1,000 by not making the mistake of going to see an obgyn for the first appointment.

I would absolutely love to have this baby at home.  Our house, though, is pretty far away from a hospital.  The Austin Area Birthing Center, however, is very close to a hospital.  In the worst case imaginable, it would be better to be closer to the hospital but still be surrounded by the environment of “home.”  AABC’s birthing rooms and kitchen are very much like being in a home, and in a way it’s almost nicer because there is a waiting room that I do not have in my home, and the mess stays there.  And they have big spa tubs and a huge multi-person shower so I could labor in there and still have a midwive with me if I wanted to.

To have a successful birth, I believe you have to surround yourself with the best possible enviornment for success.  I am defining success as, basically, getting what you want out of the experience.  For me, this means if I want to have an intervention-free, chemical-free, natural, vaginal birth, I am not going to go to an obgyn (who, really, honestly, is NOT trained in normal births, but a trained surgeon, trained to deliver) in a hospital.  That, to me, is like going to sushi bar and trying to get a Happy Meal.  It’s simply not on their menu.

I will be sharing small quotes from the books I am re-reading throughout this pregnancy.  I started reading them in December last time (Lowell was born in February) so I did not have a lot of time to absorb everything.  With this one, I am already reading the material again, soaking up every word.

This first quote comes from a birth story in the beginning of Ina May’s Guide to Childbirth from pages 56-57.

[Referencing the feeling of power that comes with natural childbirth]… “How many women will never feel that power?  Maybe the true price of an unnecessary cesarean is not the scar or disappointment or pain of recovery.  Maybe it is the loss of that empowerment.”

This stood out to me because this particular woman had just had an eleven pound baby with no interventions, drugs, or doctors after her first two over-ten-pound babies were both unecessary c-section deliveries.  She had been told time and time again that she wasn’t built to birth babies, even small ones, and she was desperate to prove that she, indeed, was capable.  This inspires me.  With God, all things are possible.  He designed my body and designed it to be capable and strong.  I am going to surround myself with the best support I can get and I am confident that this birth will be amazing.