davejenbarnes
David aired up the tires and filled up the gas tank in the blue car there on the right. We’re hoping to be able to take that car to the birthing center and leave the van with the boys’ car seats for the grandparents to bring James and Lowell to the birthing center to visit during/after the birth. (If it’s during, I’ll insist that they’ll be in the waiting room.) I have a feeling that after the new year, we will be selling that car to Carmax since we haven’t heard anything from David’s brother and sister-in-law. Hey guys! If you’re reading this, let us know! We’re kinda holding on to it for you!
David is still working a lot. He has to work tomorrow as well (Region Orchestra clinic and concert and 11 students from the CPMS band made it.) then we get him for a week, during which I hope to have this baby!!
I’m struggling with feeling like this baby/belly is cheating my boys out of the best mommy they could have. My attitude should be so much better about the whole thing. 38 weeks pregnant is such a conflicting place to be… I can’t do very much without getting grief from people (including myself) about needing to take it easy and I can’t take it too easy without getting grief from the boys about wanting to go outside and run around like gazelles and mommy, won’t you go down the slide with me?, mommy, climb up here too!, mommy, can you chase me? mommy, lets have race! mommy, come over here. mommy, pick me up! … then throwing tantrums when I try to explain that I just can’t do those things right now. It’s the same mommy-guilt-thing that happens all the rest of the time, only with the added weight of this big belly. It’s the conflict between needing to turn inward to mentally prepare myself for the labor/birth and the fact that I simply do not have that option.
I told David the other night that if we lived in a tribe, there would be plenty of other women/family/other children to take the boys and play with them and chase them and tickle them silly. Why don’t we live in tribes anymore? I really think that is the way to go when you’re this close to having a baby.
