Four Months

Dear James,

You officially have your own room now. Doesn’t it feel great? Your first night in it was not a very sleep filled night, though. You would wake up when you realized you didn’t have that blue-green silicone sucking device in your mouth. So, I got up about 20 times to pop it back in between your lips. I ended up sleeping in the bed in your room so I didn’t have to walk so far and so I wouldn’t wake up your daddy who needs his sleep because he has to earn money so we all can eat. This binkie habit of yours is beginning to drive your mommy nuts. See? I’m even talking in the third person now… I know you didn’t get much sleep because you took a two hour long nap right after daddy left for work in the morning after that first night in your own room. You usually only nap for about 45 minutes at any given time.

You’ve started sleeping longer. Much longer. But I haven’t fully decided if this is as “good” a thing as people make it out to be because, you see, our food-to-baby relationship is off somehow. I’d rather nurse you at all hours of the night and have a great food-to-baby relationship during the day than to get all the sleep in the world at night and have you kicking, punching, pulling, squirming, and screaming at me during the day. Unless the kicking, punching, pulling, squirming, and screaming are going to happen regardless. Then you better bet I’ll take the sleep, thank you very much.

This is the month that I realized I’ve gone from working part-time teaching clarinet to full time teaching James. You learn so much every day and I just want to find the remote control to life and play it back in slo-mo so I can savor all the changes. Your giggles. Your huge social smiles, you flirty baby you! Your lengthy conversations with yourself. How you used to hate to be naked but now you love it because you know that being naked means BATHTIME. And how you have learned to splash! Just today, at the end of your 3rd month, you can sit if we bend you in the middle and your arms are touching the ground even though you are admittedly a little slow on the rolling over. That’s okay. You don’t need to roll over much as an adult. It would take too long to get anywhere if we had to roll to get there.

On your 4 month birthday you grabbed your feet. Just as if you’ve been grabbing them your whole life. It was amazing. Of course, anything you grab has to go straight into your mouth for you to chomp on but your foot was attached to your leg (still is, last I checked, too) and your leg is not yet ready to give your foot up as a living sacrifice to the slobber god that obviously already has control over your mouth.

Just tonight, I tried talking to you in the Roz from Monsters Inc. voice and you did not like that one bit. You’re already able to tell a happy voice from a not-so-happy voice and the not-so-happy voices cause your bottom lip to stick out so far, I could dive off it if I were an olympic platform diver. BUT IT IS SOOOO CUTE! We, your parents, admit it. We love your pouty face.

You know, I was thinking just last night how you’re not really ours. You don’t belong to us. Truthfully, you’re not mine and your not daddy’s, either. You’re just on loan to us for a time from God. He blessed us with you and you, ultimately, belong to Him. He is your Creator… not me, your Mom. I was just a tool God used to protect you in your tiniest stages of life. I am so thankful to God for you.

Thanks for all the memories this month, Lord! Thanks for all the smiles, James!

Love,
Mama